dresses

Bridesmaid dress? Marsha, if you see this, let me know what you think. PS, will you be in my wedding? :)

I like this dress (in ivory) for me. I'm kind of considering something shorter and/or slightly less formal, but... it's just so pretty. I do like this one if I deceide on going less poofy. And by the time I need to actually purchase a dress, I'll probably actualy look good in it. Or this one if I decide I'm okay with a short dress.

rings

Lookin' at rings. Darren's favorite color is metallic blue, and I found a ring he likes with some blue in it. So! Savin' the link.

I found several rings on, no lie, Amazon that I like. So I saved them in my shopping list. I also saved some shoes... mmm, shoes.

I'm sick of looking at flowers

Flowers, again.

My bouquet.

Groomsmen.

Darren. I think I'd also add some leftovers from the groomsmen to make it extra awesome.

Dads

Moms

Centerpieces

Bridesmaids

Ushers & Personal attendants.

Petals for scattering on food tables, etc.

If we have some sort of altar area/table, we can put bouquets on either side. Like these ones, in some vases.

I can also buy these paper flower heads to make decorative garlands!

Blurgh. Flowers are hard.

If we decide to go with real flowers, Stephanie recommended flowerbud.com (and then googling for a coupon code). If we did that, I think I'd get a box of greenery and the harvest garden box. Although I do also like this bouquet and the daisies, of course.

lights and such

So if we get married on the farm, our reception would be in a tent, and we'd have to consider lighting it.

BAM. We could put these lights inside these lanterns (and these ones). Those plus white Christmas lights draped over the ceiling would probably do the trick- the less we have to worry about extension cords, the better. These lanterns even have build in LED lights.

Unrelated: I like these for centerpieces. But I also think I'd want something brighter... like perhaps these, or this guy.

We could put small bouquets in mason jars- they're super cheap at this site. I think they'd be cute and definitely fit if we had a farm wedding. :) Tie some ribbon around the top... heck yeah.

We need to start making decisions. Darren will start a discussion, like "I think we should get married in September," but the conversation dies before we actually, you know, decide anything. I feel bad trying to force him into actually planning stuff, but it's going to have to be done at some point. Blurgh.

We're revisiting the idea of having the wedding at Darren's grandma's farm in Bertha. We'd have to rent every single thing, but if we rent from this company we'd be able to get a tent, sound system, tables, chairs, table cloths, and a dance floor for less than we'd have to spend on food & beverages at Sweeney's (where we're currently considering having it). We'd supply our own food and beverages and save at least $600...

There's also a company in St. Paul where we could rent smaller stuff like draping and lighting which we could just pick up and bring back. They even have plates and such if we wanted to be super classy (as opposed to fun colored but kinda ghetto paper plates and plastic cups).

Awesome.

color

I'm currently looking at this Pantone chart to choose the perfect shades of green to use on our printed materials. I like the brighter ones in the 360 range.

...nerdy.

Cohabitating before marriage

As you well know, Darren and I live together, and we have for about a year and a half. We signed the lease on our apartment seven months after we started dating.

A study was done recently (the link is not to the study itself, but an article about it- the study itself is not accessible without membership to the journal in which it was published) that seems to indicate that couples who live together before they marry are more likely to divorce somewhere down the line. I don't doubt the validity of the study; actually, most of the points made make complete sense to me.

A quote from the article:
"We think there might be a subset of people who live together before they got engaged who might have decided to get married really based on other things in their relationship," Rhoades told LiveScience, "because they were already living together and less because they really wanted and had decided they wanted a future together."

Of course that makes sense. Couples move in together for all sorts of reasons. It's incredibly convenient and you definitely get to know each other better. But I don't think those are the only reasons a couple should move in together. As the study shows, people who do so might get married simply because it seems like a logical step to take.

Darren and I did know (or at least had a hunch), even at seven months, that we wanted to be married eventually. Darren evidently knew the night we met (unless he just says that to be sweet). We had become best friends, we were in love, and - to be blunt - neither of us had had better sex with anyone else, ever. Just sayin'. And it just so happened we both needed a place to live.

The article does mention having a joint lease, by the way. "a joint lease or shared ownership of pets could nudge the nuptials for these folks, more than a life-long commitment to one another." Our lease ended almost seven months ago, before we were engaged, and we switched to a month-to-month agreement with our landlord. Any couple who gets engaged because of their lease is, um, crazy. Leases end eventually, people! I know someone who moved in with his girlfriend and eventually they broke up, even though their lease was a few montha away from expiring. They dealt with it. And if you own a house together, sell it or treat it like a divorce! One of you gets the house, the other hits the road. Same with pets. Share custody of your dog- I've heard of that being done successfully.

Aaanyway. The study also looked into couples' reasons for moving in together. The article doesn't go into too much detail:

More than 60 percent of participants ranked spending more time together as the number-one reason for moving in, followed by nearly 19 percent who put "it made most sense financially" at the top of their list, and 14 percent ranking "I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage" highest.

Those who listed "testing" as the primary move-in reason were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication, such as, "My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires." Such testers also had lower confidence in the quality and stability of their relationships.

I really think those results have less to do with the reason the couple moved in together and more to do with the individuals themselves- I think when marriages aren't working it has absolutely nothing to do with the couple having lived together before they married and everything to do with the individuals. A commenter on the article summed it up perfectly. There are plenty of people that get married for the wrong reasons - whether they lived together or not.

This study can suck it.

I found this randomly in an article on CNN.

Marriage is another word for "trust." Maybe "trust, plus." It is two people full of doubts, shortcomings, and love holding hands and jumping together. It's a risk, fraught with the potential to fail, and that makes it beautiful. Three-legged races, where two people hop, stumble, get back up, and maybe hit a stride until they fall again. It's funny, frustrating, and the wedding ring is a symbol for the rope tying two legs together.

Maybe something to include in the ceremony?

I need to find an officiant* who doesn't cost a ton of money who will let us write our own ceremony, because it would be super awesome. Maybe I can get Darren on the "one of our friends can get ordained and officiate" train. I worked on it a little last night. Maybe, maybe.

*we don't belong to a church, and don't want a religious ceremony anyway. Having a judge do it apparently costs money and there's like no room for originality. There are a lot of officiants out there but they all charge around $500 at least for a customized ceremony. That's BS, I say. If a friend gets ordained online for free they can get paperwork and file it with the state and it's totally legal, and I'm guessing the cost is a lot more reasonable.

Apparel

I found a dress I want but I'm not going to post it. :)

I will, however, post this dress I like as a bridesmaid dress - ooh, also this one - either in black or sage.

And! And! This suit for Darren. Yum.

Yay.

Elpoing

Let's say, hypothetically, Darren and I didn't want to deal with planning and paying for this wedding. Let's say we decided to instead pay for a much more affordable wedding package in Vegas.

I like this one. It's classy. Actually, the same site offers lots of great packages at affordable prices.

But I also want to note this slightly less classy but SUPER AWESOME Cirque du Soleil themed package. Mostly because an aerial team performs during the ceremony. How amazingly memorable is THAT?! Awesome.

Still, I think I'd go for the classier option.

Plus, wedding package + hotel room = wedding and honeymoon all in one. Convenient. And we wouldn't really be eloping. Anyone who wanted to spring for a couple days in Vegas could totally join us. Super fun!

A helpful link

For future reference.

Blurgh.