A study was done recently (the link is not to the study itself, but an article about it- the study itself is not accessible without membership to the journal in which it was published) that seems to indicate that couples who live together before they marry are more likely to divorce somewhere down the line. I don't doubt the validity of the study; actually, most of the points made make complete sense to me.
A quote from the article:
"We think there might be a subset of people who live together before they got engaged who might have decided to get married really based on other things in their relationship," Rhoades told LiveScience, "because they were already living together and less because they really wanted and had decided they wanted a future together."
Of course that makes sense. Couples move in together for all sorts of reasons. It's incredibly convenient and you definitely get to know each other better. But I don't think those are the only reasons a couple should move in together. As the study shows, people who do so might get married simply because it seems like a logical step to take.
Darren and I did know (or at least had a hunch), even at seven months, that we wanted to be married eventually. Darren evidently knew the night we met (unless he just says that to be sweet). We had become best friends, we were in love, and - to be blunt - neither of us had had better sex with anyone else, ever. Just sayin'. And it just so happened we both needed a place to live.
The article does mention having a joint lease, by the way. "a joint lease or shared ownership of pets could nudge the nuptials for these folks, more than a life-long commitment to one another." Our lease ended almost seven months ago, before we were engaged, and we switched to a month-to-month agreement with our landlord. Any couple who gets engaged because of their lease is, um, crazy. Leases end eventually, people! I know someone who moved in with his girlfriend and eventually they broke up, even though their lease was a few montha away from expiring. They dealt with it. And if you own a house together, sell it or treat it like a divorce! One of you gets the house, the other hits the road. Same with pets. Share custody of your dog- I've heard of that being done successfully.
Aaanyway. The study also looked into couples' reasons for moving in together. The article doesn't go into too much detail:
More than 60 percent of participants ranked spending more time together as the number-one reason for moving in, followed by nearly 19 percent who put "it made most sense financially" at the top of their list, and 14 percent ranking "I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage" highest.
Those who listed "testing" as the primary move-in reason were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication, such as, "My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires." Such testers also had lower confidence in the quality and stability of their relationships.
I really think those results have less to do with the reason the couple moved in together and more to do with the individuals themselves- I think when marriages aren't working it has absolutely nothing to do with the couple having lived together before they married and everything to do with the individuals. A commenter on the article summed it up perfectly. There are plenty of people that get married for the wrong reasons - whether they lived together or not.
This study can suck it.
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